Luffy Shouldn't Be In Wonderland
by MeanderCat
Summary: He really shouldn't. And neither should the rest of the One Piece cast. Look at this mess: BuggyDoor, ZoroBunny, the list goes on...
1. Chapter 1

**I based the story off the original story written by Lewis Carroll, but a few scenarios had to change to better fit the One Piece character personalities better. Also, the story didn't have a talking doorknob like the Disney movie one. I really wanted the talking doorknob and you'll see why.**  
><strong>Alice in Wonderland belongs to Lewis Carroll and One Piece to Eiichiro Oda. I am just using the plot and setting from the former and the characters from the latter and I thank them both for creating such imaginative wonders.<strong>

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><p>Strawhat Luffy fiddled about impatiently at the dining table.<p>

"Sanji! Hurry up and pack my lunch, I want to go explore the island now!" he whined.

The blond cook gracefully turned from the oven and set down a box of onigiri which he then proceeded to wrap up.

"All right, Luffy, you're all set," Sanji held up the box. "Now get the hell out of my kitchen and don't come back until dinnertime. Maybe now I can finally get some peace and quiet…"

Luffy happily snatched the box out of Sanji's hands and ran out the door.

With one hand, a girl with orange hair grabbed him by his shirt collar before he could jump off the Thousand Sunny. With the other hand, she slapped a nearby sleeping swordsman awake.

"Hold it, Luffy. You shouldn't go on your own, it's too dangerous. I'm sending Zoro to go with you."

The swordsman frowned at Nami as he rubbed his cheek. "Tch, fine. Come on, Luffy, let's go." And with that, he jumped off the ship, landed onto the shore, and continued onwards. In a matter of seconds, his green hair was lost among the darker green leaves of the forest's various plants.

"Oi! Zoro, wait for me!" the captain quickly got off the ship and sprinted after him. Before he completely disappeared into the dense underbrush, he turned to wave goodbye to the rest of his crew.

"Hey, you think Luffy's going to be okay?" Usopp asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

Chopper looked up. "Sure! I mean, Luffy's really strong, right? And Zoro's with him."

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. He was following Zoro. Following. Zoro," Usopp made sure to emphasize the second time he said "following."

The importance of Usopp's concern finally dawned on everyone. In the silence, the only sound that could be heard was Robin's giggle.

/

Luffy wandered about the trees and ferns. He paid particular attention to anything mossy, in the hopes that it was Zoro, but so far, that strategy wasn't working out so well. Just then, he heard rustling from the side, and spotted the swordsman. Before Luffy could call out to him, the bobbing green head vanished. Bewildered, Luffy wandered over to the spot where Zoro was and fell down a hole.

It was a very deep hole. A deep hole with weird things down it. Like somebody used it for a disposal chute for furniture. There were cupboards all over the place, but not a crumb of food. One jar looked promising and he grabbed it before he fell too far down. When he opened it, there was only air. Dejected, he stretched his arms back up to the cupboard and placed the jar back onto one of the shelves. Except he didn't push it back quite far enough and the jar fell past him and a shattering noise was heard from down below.

"Oops, " Luffy said, "Hey, if I was able to hear it, then I'm getting closer to the bottom now!"

And he was right. Luffy landed on a pile of straw and jar shards and without even taking a moment to look around, bolted straight ahead into a narrow hallway.

"Zoro! Where did you go?" Luffy called out.

He turned the corner and came to another corridor, this one full of doors. He tilted his head.

"Which one would Zoro go through?" he wondered, as he tried to open the first door. It was locked. As was the second one. And the third one, and the fourth one, and the one after, and the one after and the one after and the one after and the one after, all the way down to the last door.

"Zoro couldn't have gone into any of these doors, then," Luffy decided.

He looked around some more and spotted a little curtain. He pulled it aside which revealed a tiny door.

"So cool!" he shouted. "Zoro must have gone through this one!" He immediately turned the tiny knob, but this door was also locked. Refusing to give up so easily, he jiggled the knob harder. The more he fiddled with it, the more the door handle was beginning to take shape. It looked like…a face. The keyhole stretched to twice its size and howled in annoyance.

"Stupid, flashy brat! Knock it off!" the door shouted.

Luffy was slightly taken aback but immediately recognized the voice and face.

"Buggy! You're a door? Haha, and your nose is the doorknob!" he grinned.

The door continued to fume. "What did you say about my nose, Strawhat?"

Luffy laughed harder and continued to poke Buggy's nose until he realized that he was supposed to be looking for Zoro.

"Oi, Buggy, did Zoro come through here?"

The door stopped in mid-rage. An evil grin slowly spread across his face.

"Why, yes. Yes, he did," Buggy lied.

The raven-haired boy perked up. "Really? You gotta let me through!"

The door sagged a little, in mock sadness. "Well, I would love to, but you're just too big."

Luffy looked down at himself. "Oh yeah. Forgot about that."

"You didn't notice? You're a bigger idiot than that flashy redhead!" Buggy yelled. As quickly as he lost it, he regained his composure. "There's something you can do, though. See that table over there behind you?"

Luffy turned around and saw a table with three legs. It was completely made of glass. The tabletop was empty except for a single bottle.

"Drinking that will make you small and then you'll be able to go right through to find your little friend," Buggy explained.

"Oh, ok," Luffy said as he picked up the bottle. As it drew closer to his lips, Buggy sniggered to himself. _That flashy brat doesn't even realize that he's drinking a bottle full of poison! So long, Strawhat!_

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><p><strong>And that's why I wanted a talking doorknob. So I could write about Buggy being offended over remarks of his nose.<br>Thanks for reading! I have no idea when I'll get to writing the next chapter (hopefully soon), so I apologize in advance.  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Around the end, a few things may or may not make sense. It won't make sense because I'm breaking the One Piece rules, but it would make sense because I'm trying to make it as bizarre as Alice in Wonderland rules. You've been warned.  
><strong>

**Alice in Wonderland and One Piece belong to Lewis Carroll and Eiichiro Oda respectively. I just took the two things and blended them together just to see how it'll turn out.**

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><p>Just as Luffy was about to take a sip, he stopped.<p>

Buggy stopped snickering. "Eh? Why aren't you drinking it?"

"I'm not thirsty," Luffy said as he put the bottle back down.

"What kind of reason is that? What about your friend? He could be in trouble right now unless you hurry!" Buggy tempted.

"Nah, Zoro's really strong, I don't have to worry," and with that, the boy smiled and sat down on the floor in front of Buggy. "I'll just wait till I'm thirsty."

"Wha…but…ehhhh?" Buggy sputtered, clearly confused.

Suddenly, Luffy got up. "Wait! I got a great idea!" He bit his thumb. "Gear Third!"

His arm instantly grew to an enormous size. He pulled his giant fist back and launched it in Buggy's direction.

Buggy gaped. If he was wearing pants, and had a digestive system, his pants would have been soaked.

"What the heck are you doing?" Buggy shrieked. The fist slammed into the wall next to him. Small cracks formed, but the wall still held.

"Don't worry, Buggy, I wouldn't punch you in the face for no reason!" Luffy grinned.

"Then why couldn't you punch the other wall? Flashy idiot!" Buggy glared, but inwardly sobbed with relief.

Just then, Luffy shrank down to a chibi size, "Ta-da! I'm small now! Now let me through, Buggy!"

"What? No! And you didn't answer my last question!"

"Why not? I fit, don't I? Hurry, I'll grow big again very soon!" Luffy pounded on the door, which was equivalent to smacking Buggy in the face.

"You almost killed me! Forget it! Wait, do you hear something?"

They looked at the cracks in the wall. Water serenely gushed out of every crack. They looked down. There was about three inches of water and it was continuing to rise.

The two devil-fruit users screamed in unison. "Aaaaghh!"

"Thanks a lot, Strawhat! Your flashy move cracked the wall and now water's pouring out of it!"

"I thought my punch was stronger than that. These must be some pretty tough walls. Aw, I'm back to normal now. I missed my chance because you wouldn't open up!"

"We got bigger problems on our hands!"

"Well, if it isn't Monkey D. Luffy," a voice said.

Luffy turned and saw Eustass Kidd swimming towards him.

"Hey, I didn't know you could swim! I thought you ate a devil fruit!" Luffy exclaimed.

"I did. What about you? You ate one, too, but you seem to be floating just fine."

Luffy looked down and realized that he was indeed. His eyes lit up. "So cool! I'm floating! I used to be an anchor even before I ate the Gum-Gum fruit! I can't wait to tell Shanks~!"

Killer swam over to Luffy. "Red-Haired Shanks? One of the Yonkou? You know him?"

"You bet I do! He's the one where I got my treasure from but it wasn't easy because earlier that day I accidentally ate the devil fruit that his crew found and then some dumb mountain bandits—"

"Strawhat, it doesn't look like you're about to shut up anytime soon, "Kidd interrupted. "Why don't we head over to the shore where I can sit down and pretend to listen to your story?"

"Okay. But how do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You know, the way you wiggle your arms and legs around to be able to move in the water."

"…It's called swimming." Kidd sighed, "Killer, go drag him to shore with us."

Killer grabbed Luffy by the collar and side-stroked towards the shore. "Sure thing, Kidd."

Soon, more pirates that had gotten caught up in the rising water level were heading for the shore: There was Scratchmen Apoo, X. Drake, Trafalgar Law, Jewelry Bonney, and the rest of the supernova. But no Zoro...

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><p><strong>And there you have it. I had to work with the Alice in Wonderland plot which means they had to be in water to head for shore to have a race to get dry (this will all happen in the next chapter).<strong>

**Originally, the water came from Alice crying, but I wasn't about to make Luffy shed man tears. **

**Alice had also originally shrank from a fan that the White Rabbit had dropped when he got scared while Alice was in her large mode because she, unlike Luffy, drank the bottle's contents, got small, found a cake underneath the table, ate it, and grew really big. So that had to be altered about, too, mainly because I really wanted to poke more fun at Buggy.  
>I'm done with Buggy now, though. What happened to him while the water level rose? Uhh...he unhinged himself and became floating driftwood happily ever after. Yeah.<strong>

**Thanks for reading!**

***10 minutes later edit: Why did I spell Eustass Kidd with two D's? o_O It's like I was thinking...Eustass...Devil...Goat...Kidd!...OTL*  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece and Lewis Carroll owns Alice in Wonderland. I just took the two together and made this chimera of a story.**

**I fear that the supernova may seem a little out of character in this chapter...My original intent was to try to follow Carroll's plot but...I had made Eustass Kid the mouse and those two characters are kind of similar in ways of temper, but that was about it. I don't feel like I have a very good understanding of these rookie pirates and I did the best I could, but nonetheless, you have been warned.  
><strong>

**The race is still somewhat similar. Ending this chapter was not a pretty landing. I hope I still managed to pull through...Well, enjoy~**

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><p>Soon, all the supernova, minus Zoro, had gathered on the shore and the first matter of discussion was why the devil fruit users had managed to stay afloat and even swim, minus Luffy.<p>

The discussion was not going well. Bonney was only half-engaged in the debate and the other half of her time was spent to complain about her hunger, Hawkins kept insisting that the whole ordeal was impossible and that he had the calculations to prove it, Drake was too preoccupied trying to dry himself with his already drenched cape, Killer attempted to drain his helmet by bowing to the palm trees, and Law insisted on seeing the problem biologically and went on to explain the negative and positive feedback mechanisms of the human body in order to achieve homeostasis which left the rest of the supernova utterly baffled. Luffy did nothing to contribute to the argument and decided that Kid's face was far more interesting.

"Where are your eyebrows?" asked Luffy, his face just inches from Kid's.

"None of your business, Strawhat," Kid growled as he shoved him aside.

"Is it because you had to make room for the horns?"

"What horns? What in hell are you talking about?"

"You're really pale, too. Are you a ghost? You feel really solid, so maybe not."

"Strawhat, you are disturbingly bizarre. Now quit touching me!"

"Your nakama sure is polite, bowing to everything like that."

"What the hell are you doing, Killer?"

"Well, Kid, have you ever had a fishtank turned over onto your head? It's kind of like that," replied the clearly peeved masked man.

"I got it!" Luffy faced the other bickering supernovas. "We're hammers, right?"

They nodded, unsure of just how much of the discussion he had been paying attention to.

"Maybe we're _wooden_ hammers. Wood can float, right?"

They immediately disregarded his theory and resumed their mainstream bantering but were unable to reach a single conclusion.

"Curiouser and curiouser," Law murmured.

Everyone stared at the doctor.

Law shrugged. "Well somebody had to say it."

"Ugh, it's too hard to think when my hair's dripping wet!" Bonney shouted.

"And it's too hard for me to think when you're always shouting!" Bege vented.

"In that case," said Drake solemnly, rising to his feet, "I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies—"

"Speak English!" Bonney barked. "I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and what's more, I don't believe you do either!" A few of the other supernovas chuckled at Bonney's bold accusation.

"What I was going to say," Drake continued, although in a slightly more offended tone, "was that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race."

Luffy jumped up. "A race? You're on! Ready, set, go!" he gleefully cried out as he sprinted off in a random direction.

For reasons unknown even to the supernovas, they all sprang to their feet and chased after him, each striving to outrun the other.

They soon became very competitive and even though they were all dry after only ten minutes, they continued to run. Luffy was still in the lead and behind him, he could hear a cacophony of curses and threats.

"Out of my way, Trafalgar Law!"

"Eustass-ya, if you keep ordering me around like that, you won't even be able to stand, let alone run."

"Time to eliminate some competition!"

Luffy turned at the last comment to see Bonney about to kick Apoo below the equator until Drake suddenly called out, "The race is over!"

Surprisingly, everyone stopped. Apoo breathed a sigh of relief and made sure to stay far away from Bonney when the pirates grouped up again.

"So who won?" Luffy asked Drake.

"Um…" Drake thought for a second. "Everybody."

"That's great! Where are the prizes?"

"What?"

Luffy sighed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world besides having a campfire when you're in the woods. "When someone wins something, they get a prize!" Luffy insisted.

"What do we even have to give out as prizes?"

Everyone searched their pockets, but came out empty. Except for Luffy who pulled out Sanji's box of onigiri, which was miraculously unharmed.

"Food! Give it here!" Bonney demanded.

Luffy stretched his arms so that the box was out of her reach. "No way! This is mine!"

"Hmph, with your vulgarity, you shouldn't get a prize," Bege sneered at the pink-haired woman.

Bonney stomped over to the man in the suit. "You want to start something? You're half my height and probably twice my age. Just what do you think you can possibly do?"

Drake stepped in between them. "Save your energy, your squabble is meaningless."

"It's all right," Hawkins calmly stated. "I do not see the shadow of death behind either of the two."

He then turned to Luffy. "You, on the other hand…You have a different shadow behind you…It's large. And its eyes are glinting. I can also make out cropped white hair…a short, white beard…a dog hat…and a bag of doughnuts."

Urouge's smile never left his face, but he did pale slightly. "I don't think that's a shadow."

Luffy turned around. "Ack! Gramps!"

Drake blanched. "It's Garp!"

The Hero Monkey D. Garp put away his doughnuts and cracked his knuckles. "Luffy, I'll let you go because you're my grandson. The rest of you, however, are a terrible influence on him. Prepare to die, lousy pirates!"

They wasted no time in escaping. Sadly, this has left Luffy all alone but it wasn't long before he heard footsteps. He turned, hoping that maybe they managed to escape from Garp already and had returned to explain to him why Kid was missing eyebrows.

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><p><strong>...You know, I'm not really sure if Bege really is that short. I just imagine him to be.<strong>

**When Luffy was inquiring about Kid's horns it was because I still had Eustass Devil Goat Kidd stuck in my head. Sorry.  
><strong>

**That part where Drake proposed a caucus race used lines that were directly taken from Carroll's text. I think that's why I made Drake the dodo...just because I wanted Bonney to yell at Drake so she had to be the Eaglet and Drake's a dinosaur so being a dodo isn't too far off considering the fact that both species are extinct.**

**I would normally use this space to explain the differences between my chapter and Carroll's chapter but...there's too many to point out.**

**What happened to the supernova? Well, they stumbled upon Buggy the driftwood who got washed ashore. So they propped him up in the sand, opened the door, went in, and slammed the door in Garp's face. He huffed and he puffed but Garp could not blow the door down so he resorted to Plan B which was to lift the door out of the sand and swing it far, far away. By then, the supernova were long gone happily ever after. Why didn't they gang up and fight Garp? Because it's friggin' Garp.  
><strong>

**I'd like to thank y'all for reading this far. Thank you.  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**TheIcecreamGeek, I hope this will suffice for fanservice lol**

**Ultra One Piece Fan also mentioned how Garp probably would have given Luffy a Fist of Love in the previous chapter. In a desperate scramble to redeem myself, I sort of fixed it in the end of this chapter. Sort of.  
><strong>

**I honestly didn't know what to do with this chapter...It seems that the longer this goes on, the further away it goes from Carroll's text. I'll rein it back in around the end. I have a clear picture of how the last few chapters go...So think of the middle chapters as a transition of some sort...Like puberty.**

**One Piece is the creation of Eiichiro Oda and Alice in Wonderland is the creation of Lewis Carroll. I just swirled the two together to see what sort of pretty color will come out.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you to everyone who has reviewed/favorited/story-alerted/all of the above/some of the above/none of the above but still took the time to read it.**

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><p>Luffy turned to see who was approaching and broke out into a large smile.<p>

"Zoro!...Uh…What are you wearing?"

From head to toe, the poor swordsman was covered in fluffy white fur that could make Bepo's fur look as drab as a sewer rat. The rabbit suit came with long bunny ears that drooped down and flopped about whenever the wearer hopped. The only part of his body which was not disgraced with the suit was his face, which had an expression that did not compliment the cute costume at all.

"That little witch Perona caught me and forced me into this dumb thing! I'd cut her to pieces but she hid my swords somewhere!"

"What? Where is she?" Luffy looked around, fists ready to beat the daylights out of a pink-haired girl.

Zoro pointed at a random direction. "I think it was this way; those trees look familiar."

A half hour long walk passed before Luffy began to suspect that they were lost. Another fifteen minutes later, he realized that Zoro was hopping like a fluffy, white, overgrown kangaroo. Luffy started hopping alongside Zoro.

"Why are you hopping? Is that a new workout routine?"

"No, this stupid suit is just too hard to move in."

"I want my ears to flop around like yours, too," Luffy pulled on his ears. "Heehee, I'm a zorobunny!"

The pride-wounded man tried to muster up all his strength to get his arm to rise and smack his captain upside the head, but to no avail. "Shut up, Luffy!"

"What the heck is wrong with you guys? We're lost in who knows where and I find you guys just messing around?" a long-nosed voice said.

Zoro and Luffy looked up and saw Chopper and Usopp, who both gave them quizzical looks.

"Chopper! Usopp!" Luffy greeted the two. "Want to help us get Zoro's swords back?"

"So those were his swords!" said Usopp. "We found a house earlier and when we looked through the window, we saw them just lying on the table, but no Zoro."

The four pirates then followed Usopp back to the house and broke the door down. Perona, who was sitting on the couch, glanced distastefully at the bunch.

"Ugh, you broke my door again. Did you bring me my hot cocoa and bagel sandwich?"

"That was really mean of you, to capture Zoro and turn him into your personal servant!" Chopper yelled.

"Capture him? He broke down the door, scratching his head, wondering where he was!"

"And then you took away his swords!" Chopper went on.

"I just left them on that table over there," Perona retorted.

Chopper began to falter. "Uh, well, you, um…"

Perona sighed. "If you can't get me any food, then you'll just be entertainment. Negative hollow!"

Everyone braced themselves for the feeling of utter depression and hopelessness but before one of the ghosts could reach Luffy, he was knocked flat onto his face with a Fist of Love.

"Luffy!" Garp bellowed, "Sengoku got mad that I didn't go after you so now I have to send you six feet under."

Perona gawked. "Wait, if you knocked him down then you should have been hit with the negative ghosts. Why aren't you depressed?"

Garp stared blankly at the girl. He looked over at the others who were struck.

Usopp was fine, and just stared blankly back at Garp.

Chopper had curled up into a ball. "I wish I were reborn as a piece of lint…"

Zoro was on his knees. "I wish I were reborn as a cat's furball..."

The negative ghost finally struck Garp. His face twisted into a grimace and he, too, fell to his knees. "I wish I were reborn a pirate…"

"Hey!" everyone yelled.

Usopp picked up Chopper. "Quick, Luffy, we should get away while they're still distracted!"

Luffy nodded, picked up Zoro, and ran out the door with Usopp. After they were far enough, Luffy hopped onto a giant boulder to take a look around and spotted a really neat garden.

"Whoaa! You guys, let's head over there next!"

"Not so fast, Strawhat!"

Out of the shrubbery came Richie, with Mohji riding atop Richie's head.

"Strawhat, you've been nothing but a thorn in Captain Buggy's side! I shall avenge him! Richie, claw him apart!"

Zoro stopped the giant lion just in time with his santoryuu skills.

"You go on ahead, Luffy, we'll deal with these two," Usopp bravely announced.

"We'll catch up with you later!" said Chopper.

Luffy, having complete faith in their competency to handle the circus act, walked off towards the garden but the dense underbrush was making it difficult to determine whether he was still on track or not. He climbed on top of a large mushroom that was black on one side and white on the other half. When he reached the top, he saw that there was already someone occupying the area. It was Smoker.

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><p><strong>I had to make Smoker the smoking caterpillar. No other character would be near satisfactory.<strong>

**What happened to Garp and Perona after the Strawhats left? Garp haki-ripped out the negativity from him and threw it out the window. After that, he gave Perona a big grandfatherly lecture and sent her to her room. This freed up the living room downstairs so Garp then invited Sengoku, the three admirals, and a few other marine officers over for tea and crackers. Only Aokiji showed up.**

**I hope I get the next chapter up by the 20th, but there's no guarantee. College is starting up again...I'm scared.  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Well. I know I said not to get your hopes up for the next chapter to show up on the 20th, but I wasn't expecting it to be this late. I do apologize (whether or not you really cared) and to make up for it (whether or not you really care), I drew a Zoro Bunny. Check my profile for it, I hope it turned out okay. **

**Warning! For some poor reason, Smoker is rather out of character, and I am very sorry for that, but I couldn't seem to find any other way to make this work. I also need to change the rating to Teen...  
><strong>

**My flow's all messed up what with that long break to clean up the desk to make room for new textbooks so...bear with me. The next chapters should start to get a little smoother. This chapter got really far off from Carroll's text...Oh well, enjoy!  
><strong>

**One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda and Alice in Wonderland belongs to Lewis Carroll. I just stitched the two together to see if I could make a quilt.**

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><p>Smoker and Luffy stared at each other. Slowly, Smoker removed one of his two cigars and addressed Luffy in a slow voice.<p>

"Strawhat."

"Hi," replied Luffy. He was unsure of whether to run or not. Smoker means Marines and Marines means trouble and trouble means Garp and Garp means…Luffy lost his train of thought at that point.

Smoker then unrolled the cigar that he had removed from his mouth. "Tashigi bought me the wrong cigars."

Luffy tilted his head. "How do you know?"

Smoker showed the pirate the contents of the cigar. "There's nothing but marijuana in here."

"Ohh that must be why you aren't chasing after me right now."

"Probably."

After that remark from the marine officer, a sort of awkward, sort of baked, silence settled between the two. Smoker continued to smoke his joints and showed no signs of throwing them away. Luffy decided to sit down. And then he realized something odd.

"Hey, how did Usopp and Chopper get here? I thought they were on the ship."

Smoker took a puff before answering. "Maybe you're on something."

"Am not!"

"Are too," Smoker puffed out two smoke lines, the second one longer than the first, making the kanji character for the number two.

Luffy sat up straight. "So cool! How did you do that?"

"Not sure."

"Teach me! Give me a cigar so I can try, too!"

"Get your own."

"But you have two!"

"And neither are for you," Smoker puffed. As he said the last word, he puffed out a smoky "u."

"Commodore Smoker!" two voices cried.

Coby and Helmeppo climbed up onto the mushroom and saluted smartly.

"Commodore Smoker, you are cordially invited to Vice-Admiral Garp's house for tea and crackers!"

Smoker stood up. "Perfect, I'm starving." He took a few casual steps and stopped.

"One side will make you smaller, and the other side will make you grow."

The two marine boys looked at each other. "Er…the side of what, sir?"

"The mushroom," Smoker resumed walking and did not offer any more of an explanation.

The boys exchanged another glance. Helmeppo shrugged. Deciding that they could worry about it later, Coby turned to properly greet his old friend.

"Luffy!" Coby smiled. "How have you been?"

Luffy smiled back. "Great! But I want to get into that neat looking garden!"

"Garden? Oh, you must mean the queen's garden. You'll have to go back to the corridor with all those doors and go through the little one behind the curtain."

Luffy sagged. "But Buggy wouldn't let me in because I was too big and I almost punched him in the face and then I think I drowned him."

Coby pondered over the situation. It wasn't easy to reach a decision after hearing the last two thirds of Luffy's sentence, so he tried to make as much sense as possible. "Maybe we should follow Smoker's advice. He said one side of this mushroom will make you smaller."

Luffy looked down. "But which side?"

The mushroom was perfectly round aside for two black spherical nubs growing near each other on one side. After following it along the edge, they decided that the line that splits the mushroom in half was right between the two lumps.

Helmeppo pulled out his dual kukri. "So, we'll just cut off these weird growths and one should make you make big, but the other will make you smaller."

Before he could even swing, the black and white mushroom uprooted itself, looked around, and fled.

A few seconds passed before the group of boys realized what had happened. Luffy immediately took action and dashed after the runaway fungus.

"Get back here, I have to eat you!"

Although it had roots for legs, it was surprisingly agile. Luffy had a hard time keeping up with it and constantly ran into branches that the mushroom seemed to have been able to evade quite easily. When Luffy finally got out to a clearing, he saw an eerie looking mansion. It looked haunted…Spooky, rather. It looked like a good place to find beetles. Forgetting all about his chase, he headed towards the house's front door.

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><p><strong>Sorry again for OOC Smoker...I'll try to make sure this doesn't happen later.<strong>

**Oh, I never mentioned the battle against Mohji and Richie, did I? Well, they were about to fight, but a flying driftwood Buggy door flew smack into their faces and knocked them both out. Zoro, Usopp, and Chopper decided to just leave since it didn't look like they were about to wake up anytime soon. When the two finally woke up, they were happily reunited with their captain. Yayyy~**

**I start classes on the 29th so...new chapters will be few and far in between...Sorry. This is the fifth chapter so if I keep staying on course with Carroll's book, I got seven more to go...I'm almost halfway...I hope you'll stay tuned. Thank you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**My goodness...What year is this? Is it still 2011? Just barely.../sobs  
>I like how in the last chapter I said that new chapters would be few and far in between...I was not expecting that to mean...4 months later. I'm very sorry. This semester was a lot more tough than I thought it would be.<strong>

**In here, it looks like I was able to follow the original Carroll text a little better...A few things were tweaked as usual. I don't know what else to write in here, I'm so out of my groove and to be honest, I really just want to publish this thing and go catch up on all the stories I haven't been able to read. I've got the next two chapters in pretty good shape, too, so if I'm really diligent, I'll be posting chapters every 2-3 days and get this thing DONE.**

**One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda and Alice in Wonderland to Lewis Carroll. I am only responsible for reacting the two together to see what sort of compounds will precipitate from it.**

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><p>As Luffy got closer to the creepy mansion, he was able to make out two figures at the door.<p>

"If you could go anywhere on vacation, where would you go?" Bartholomew Kuma asked.

"Yes, yes, I already know about your ability. What did you come here for?" Gekko Moria questioned back.

Kuma handed the shichibukai a card. "All shichibukai are invited to croquet with the queen tonight."

Moria took the card and looked it over. "Croquet tonight. Ugh. Fine, see you then."

Without another word, Kuma rotated himself 180 degrees and walked off, allowing Luffy the perfect chance to approach the main entrance.

Moria sat down and slouched against the door. "Oh, what is it now?"

"Can I go in there?" Luffy pointed inside the house.

The giant misshaped pirate glowered at the boy. "You're supposed to knock."

"But you're in the way."

"Well, I'm not moving."

"Then I don't have to knock!" Luffy huffed and marched right in.

His nose and ears led him straight to the kitchen where he nearly missed a plate smashing into his face and a cacophony of crashes and wailing were at its maximum decibel.

"Cindry! We need those plates to eat on!" Dr. Hogback gawked at the mess of shards that was rapidly piling up.

"I wish all plates would disappear…" the girl muttered.

"But I need to get this zombie baby to sleep!" the doctor protested.

Luffy did a double-take. "A baby with severe injuries?"

"Cindry-chan! Lunch is ready!" Sanji twirled from the stove.

Luffy did another double-take. "Hey! You're supposed to be MY cook, Sanji!"

At that point, Moria lumbered into the kitchen. "All right, time to head to the queen's court for croquet. Let's go already and get this over with."

"Yes, Moria-sa—Cindry, why are you standing in front of me? Here, you deal with this thing," Dr. Hogback commanded as he tossed the bundle to Luffy.

Luffy caught it with ease and took a look at the baby's face. To his astonishment, it looked just like Sanji. According to Luffy, anyways.

"Sanji? Is this your baby?"

"No way in Hell!" the blonde kicked his captain straight in the face. The baby continued to wail but it began to bulge and soon grew up to become Duval.

"Dis is all yer fault! Ah'm being persecuted like some pirate! Ah ain't a pirate!" Duval jabbed his finger in Sanji's direction.

"Shut up!" and with that, the cook proceeded to fix Duval's bone structure. Duval became so pleased with his new face that he left the mansion to start picking up chicks.

"Now that it's so peaceful, I can finally devote all my love and attention to…Robin-chwan!" He spun over to the woman had been sitting quietly with a book at the end of the dining table. She thanked the cook and directed her gaze to Luffy.

"Hello, Luffy. What are you up to now?"

The boy scratched his head. "Exploring, I guess. This place is really neat. Which way do you think I should go next?"

She turned a page of her book. "That depends where you want to get to."

"I don't care."

"Then it doesn't matter which way you walk."

The ever so bright captain tilted his head to side. "My brain's starting to hurt, Robin. Can you make it easier?"

"Certainly," Robin said. A hand sprouted out from the table and pointed to the left. "In that direction, lives the March Hawk." Another hand sprouted out and pointed in the opposite direction. "Over there lives the Mad Hatter. Pick whoever you'd like to meet."

Luffy reached up to pat his hat. "Hats are cool. I'll go see the Mad Hatter, I guess." He walked out the door and stopped.

"That's right, I also wanted to see that garden. Do you know how I can get in?"

The woman smiled. "Do you play croquet with the queen today?"

"I don't know. It sounds fun, but I haven't been invited yet."

She smiled wider and vanished. "Let's all rendezvous there."

"Robin-chwan? Where did you go? Nooooo!" Sanji fell to his knees as he choked back a sob. "You go on ahead, Luffy…I have to find her."

And so, Luffy walked out the door alone and headed in the direction of the Mad Hatter's house. It wasn't long before he could make out the sounds of a conversation and a very familiar voice…

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><p><strong>Hats are cool. Seriously, cool people in One Piece wear hats. Mihawk, Ace, Trafalgar Law, Chopper, Dr. Hiriluk, to name a few. And if not hats, bandanas. Marco should wear a hat. But then it'll hide his pineapple hair. I like his hair, oddly enough. Okay, moving on...<br>**

**I really liked how the original story had plates being thrown. It suited Cindry well. Everything after that, however...got kind of weird. Oops.**

**So what happened to Smoker? Did he manage to make it to Garp's despite his high? Well, what happened was that while strolling along, the hollow ghost that Garp haki-ripped out of himself flew smack into Smoker. Apparently, a high Smoker that becomes negative makes a normal Smoker, and the sight of the Buggy pirates sobered him up so well that the hollow ghost fled from fright and Smoker dragged the pirates to Garp's house as a gift to Garp.  
>This worked out fairly well, for Garp was hoping for some entertainment and he also needed a new door. What made the new door even better was that unlike normal doors, Buggy will actually duck when he hears Garp approaching. This results in a lot of time, money, and wood saved from having to constantly repair normal ones. Yayyy~<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**I like how I said this story is going to start getting close to the original Carroll text and now I have to tell you that I lied. Don't ever ask me to promise you anything, okay? I have commitment issues OTL**

**To make it worse, everybody's _really_ out of character. Everybody. I just couldn't get it work as well as I thought I could it was so frustrating...**

**Anyways, I hope you all have a great New Year's Eve/ New Year depending on where you are in the world. Drink responsibly (if you are of legal age) and have fun!**

**One Piece is owned by Eiichiro Oda and Alice in Wonderland is owned by Lewis Carroll. I just fused the two together to see if I could re-create Gotenks. I couldn't.**

* * *

><p>There was a table set out under a tree. There were food, empty dishes, rum, and empty glasses everythere. Although it was a large table, there were only three occupants: Dracule Mihawk, Red-Haired Shanks, and between the two, Benn Beckman, who was fast asleep.<p>

The second Shanks saw Luffy, he jumped to his feet. "Luffy! So good to see y-WAIT! Didn't we make a promise that we wouldn't meet again until you become a great pirate?"

Luffy jumped back. "Agh, you're right!"

Shanks looked around. "You never saw me!" he cried as he jumped into the bushes behind the table. A split second later, he re-emerged. "I'm taking some rum with me!"

"The drinks stay here," Mihawk coldly stated, taking a gulp out of his own mug.

The yonkou sputtered some sort of drunken slur before reluctantly setting down the alcohol. He brushed the leaves out of his hair. "Okay, Luffy, let's make a deal. I'm really drunk right now, so you're just a figment of my imagination. You're not really here, and neither am I."

"You're so far from sobriety you may as well not be here."

Shanks glared at Mihawk and his snide comment. "Who invited you, anyway?"

"You did. You said Benn was boring so you called me, demanding that I attend your happy hour."

"Oh that's right!" Shanks pulled out a pocket watch. "It's happy hour! Drink up, everybody! You too, Luffy. And help yourself to some food."

Luffy happily sat down and began shoveling food into his mouth. He tried to greet Benn but Benn had yet to awaken from his very deep slumber.

"Is Benn alright?" Luffy asked Shanks.

"Hm? Oh yeah, he should be okay. He may have had too much to drink. Oh, and some ghost yelling 'horohorohoro' ran right into him. Not sure if it's still in there," Shanks said as he knocked on Benn's head as if to check if anyone was home. He then pulled out his pocket watch again. "Oh well, no need to worry about him Luffy; it's happy hour, enjoy yourself!"

Needing no other invitation, Luffy helped himself to another mountain of food.

"So what brings you here, Luffy? And why didn't you bring any friends?" Shanks asked through a mouthful of food.

"I only brought Zoro but everybody else decided to come too, I guess," Luffy said. "There's a really neat garden here. Do you know how I can get in?"

Shanks chewed thoughtfully on his rum, stopped when he realized it was rum, and swallowed. "Well, I can tell you what NOT to do."

"What's that?"

"Do not sing to the queen. I didn't even finish the first verse when she just interrupted me and accused me of 'murdering the time!' And ever since then, Time always tells me that it's happy hour to cheer me up."

"Is that why there are some many dirty dishes and mugs everywhere?"

Shanks sighed. "Yeah, it's always happy hour so there's no time to wash anything. It's hard enough just trying to keep up with all the drinking."

"You do realize that the watch is broken and therefore, inaccurate?"

Shanks turned around to leer at Mihawk and his snide comment yet again. "I'm not talking to you anymore. I'll talk to Benn."

"Good luck with that; Benn is still asleep."

"Want to see if his head will fit in a mug?"

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes! Luffy, just head that way and you'll be in the garden in no time. And remember, this whole encounter never happened."

Luffy, being stuffed, decided that it would be a good idea to try and tackle the issue of getting into the garden again. After all, he thinks better on a full stomach. When he actually does think, anyway.

He continued walking until he found a door on a tree. Without a moment's hesitation, he tore it open and he was back in the corridor of locked doors, although it was considerably damper than the first time he was here. He looked around and the spot where Buggy used to be was now void of any barriers and he happily ran through it to where he finally came upon the beautiful garden.

* * *

><p><strong>And there you have it. The March Hawk was Mihawk, the Mad Hatter was Shanks, and Benn was the Dormouse. Yeah.<strong>** I just couldn't understand their characters well enough to be able to bring this chapter the justice it deserves...So sad. I'll try not to disappoint for the next chapters...**

**In the original Carroll's text, the Mad Hatter had sang a weird version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to the queen. I was tempted to have Shanks sing something like Wedding Dress by TaeYang or Gee by SNSD lol Because Kpop is just so awesome~ Except after thinking about it, more and more other good songs popped up so I couldn't decide which one to do and decided that none will be added.  
><strong>

**So who's left for a side story (I feel like these ending side bits are more entertaining than the main story, sometimes...)? Uhh let's pick Duval. He went off to pick up chicks only to be sorely disappointed because he came across none. Until he wandered to Garp's house, where up in the window on the second floor was a lovely pink-haired lady who goes by the name Perona. Duval decided that serenading to her from outside the window would be his best strategy but Perona was no interested and decided to shoot hollow ghosts at him every so often for entertainment. The end.**

**Thanks for reading this far, you guys. I'm rather surprised that y'all have taken the time to even open the link. I hope I can actually finish this story before winter break's over.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Whoa, I actually had a review or two? I'm really sorry about replying to them so late, this account is hooked to my less-checked email and so I didn't even know until I was bored out of my mind and checked it just now...I wish there was a way to know that there are reviews just when I log in into fanfic...What's worse, I don't even know how to reply to some of them! It's like I forgot how to communicate with other people! DX Please forgive me! /sobs. Okay, let's move on.  
><strong>

**Luffy finally made it to the garden, hooray~ And now, y'all get to find out who the Queen and King of Hearts are! And I also realized that there might be some confusion about that...You'll find out when you read. I'm so sorry, this story has more plot holes than...plotted...Swiss cheese...plots.**

**At least this is starting to come back to Carroll's original text, kind of sort of. Anyhoo, Carroll has ownership over Alice in Wonderland and Oda has ownership over One Piece. I just...I'm running out of metaphors...wove the two together to make a basket...that doesn't hold very much water...**

* * *

><p>Luffy stood there with a giant smile on his face, eyes glistening with excitement. The first thing he took notice of was a giant bear in an orange jumpsuit of some sorts. He was being pushed by three men, who were trying to lead him somewhere. Luffy immediately ran up to them.<p>

"Where are you taking the bear?" he asked the men.

Two of the men looked at the third guy. "Uh, you see," the third man started nervously, "the queen is infamous for kicking any, uh, puppies or, er, baby seals in her way—anything cute, really, and so, you see, this bear needs to go before she sees him."

The bear lowered his fluffy white head in shame. "I'm sorry…" he mumbled.

"Yes, yes, we know, Bepo. Move along, now."

Before Luffy could even react to the sight of a talking bear, a foot launched Bepo into the sky. "Who put this fluffy polar bear in my way?" the owner of the foot shrieked.

"Aghhh the queen is here! We're so sorry!" the three men screamed as they hurriedly knelt down before her.

"Be more careful next time," she ordered. The Queen of Hearts was none other than Boa Hancock. Behind her were a knave, who was carrying the King's crown on a pillow and bore a very close resemblance to Nami (it was either the orange hair or the glinting eyes trained directly at the crown that gave it away), a few soldiers, and finally, the King of Hearts, Sir Crocodile.

Hancock looked down her nose at the three groveling men. "What do you think you're doing anyway, sullying my beautiful garden with your presences?"

Crocodile walked up to her. "They're Billions. The new servants I employed, remember?"

The queen straightened up. "Very well. And who are you?" She jabbed a finger at the knave, but the knave, who looked a lot like Nami, simply bowed and smiled. Hancock lost interest after that and noticed Luffy.

"Luffy!" she gasped. "D…Did you…come to see…me?"

Luffy stared at her. "No," he bluntly replied.

Hancock dramatically placed the back of her hand on her forehead. "That's right; you're here on other errands. After all, we need to keep our relationship a secret."

Crocodile was about to point out the fact that there is no relationship between her and the strawhat and that even if there were, it would no longer be a secret, but Hancock immediately switched back to doting on Luffy.

"Luffy, we're about to play croquet. Do join us!" she blushed.

"Sure, sounds fun," Luffy said. But he was soon going to find out that it was far more confusing than it was fun.

The mallets were flamingos. And Luffy had the poor misfortune to get the flamboyant one wearing shades. It was far too tall for Luffy, but he wrestled with it anyway. Once he managed to get the body tucked under his arm comfortably, he had to straighten out the neck and during the entire process the only things the flamingo offered were a large grin and dark chuckling. "Fuffufufu," it went, "Fuffufu."

Luffy finally managed to get it positioned and looked around to see how far the game had already progressed. It was chaotic. The balls were exploding baseballs, courtesy of Mr. 4, and the wickets were simply formed by billions arching their backs but they always ran away when a baseball got too close. "Fuffuffuffu," went his mallet.

Hancock seemed undeterred by either the baseballs or the fleeing wickets and simply swung her flamingo left and right, with no regard to where the baseballs flew. She also had fits for no reason and screamed, "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!" every so often. Whenever that happened, guards would appear to escort the nearest person they thought she was talking to off the playing field into a large group to be executed later. "Fuffufu," went Luffy's mallet.

"Having fun?" a voice behind Luffy said.

He turned around and saw Robin. "Not really. I don't get how you're supposed to win."

She giggled. "I don't think you're the only one."

"Who are you talking to?" asked Crocodile, who had walked over to Luffy.

"Hm? Oh, this is my archeologist, Robin," Luffy said.

"I know who she is, you idiot," Crocodile turned to face Robin. "How about working for me again, Nico Robin?"

Robin crossed her arms over her chest. "Cien fleurs," and a hundred arms sprouted out. "Gesture," and all one hundred arms proceeded to brandish its middle finger at the now extremely offended Crocodile.

He was so enraged that he called for Mr. 1 to cut off her arm. When Mr. 1 arrived, he looked at the arms and did nothing.

"Cutting off an arm would mean that I'm severing a limb from a body, but these arms have no bodies that they're connected to," he explained.

Crocodile bit down on his cigar. "Does it really matter?"

"What are you all doing, just standing around?" Hancock demanded as she walked by.

"I want this woman removed from the garden," Crocodile demanded.

"Then just send her away before I execute all of you!"

This put everyone on their toes, but luckily, Robin kept a clear head. "If you want someone to blame, blame the man I came with."

"You mean that giant, fat, ugly excuse for a shichibukai?" Hancock pointed a finger at a group of billions as she leered so far down her nose at them she was looking up. "Fetch that disgusting sack of flesh from the prison immediately!"

As the billions fled as quickly as possible to carry out their queen's orders, Crocodile looked around. "I thought Nico Robin came with Moria."

"I did," Robin confirmed.

"He's right over there." And sure enough, he was sitting down on the grass, having his minions do the work of playing croquet.

"Na?" Luffy scratched his head. "Then who's the prisoner Hancock just sent for?"

* * *

><p><strong>Who, indeed. And this is where I must apologize again. The queen's invitation was for all shichibukai, but what I ended up doing was having two of them the Queen and King and another to be a flamingo. Donquixote Doflamingo as one of the flamingo mallets was what thoroughly convinced me to write this story in the first place. I'm surprised I made it this far to even be able to say that. And so I'm sorry to have to say that the only one who really did end up playing croquet was Hancock, since Moria was being lazy and Crocodile was offended.<strong>

**What about Mihawk? By the time Kuma finally located him (Mihawk was rushed by Shanks to hurry to Happy Hour that he forgot to leave a note on his castle door), the games were already underway. And then, Shanks wanted to go, too, and begged Mihawk to wait for him until he finished tucking in Benn's ear into the mug. For reasons unknown even to Mihawk, he waited and waited only to have Benn awaken and sit up so suddenly that his head rammed into Shanks face, and thus smashing the mug into a million little pieces. Mihawk refused to help Shanks up as a way to teach the yonkou a lesson to not do dumb things like that.  
><strong>

**As for Bepo...Bepo's adorable. How dare Hancock kick cute things...He ended up flying all the way to Perona's (now Garp's) house and landed right on Duval. Perona yelled at him for ruining her entertainment and when Bepo mumbled an apology, she was reminded of her dear Kumashi and decided to adopt Bepo (so long as he didn't talk). Yayyy~?**

**And finally, I don't think Daz Bones is that much of a grammar nazi but I had to work with Carroll's text and the executioner was complaining about how he couldn't behead the Cheshire Cat because there was no body to separate the head from. Oh well, I've done worse ooc things to the other characters...  
><strong>

**Alrighty, thanks again for reading! If you review, I'll try to respond back! But I'll be gone nearly all day tomorrow, so don't expect a quick reply :/  
><strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**I was only expecting to be gone on Wednesday, not...Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and the majority of Sunday...I keep apologizing about this but after saying it so many times for every flippin' chapter, I no longer feel that it sounds as sincere as it really is...Oh, I'm getting sad...Time to cheer myself up with more Kpop.**

**I ended up combining Carroll's ninth and tenth chapters because those chapters were all about meeting a Mock Turtle and lots of singing and dancing and there were several options that I could have done with it, but I decided this would suffice. Completely unlike the original chapters, but I did try to incorporate the lessons bit only because...I felt that they were funny lol Carroll is a...funny man.**

**Alice in Wonderland belongs to Lewis Carroll and One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda. I am only responsible for adding the two together and getting a...triple integral.**

* * *

><p>It wasn't long before the group of billions returned with an extra member. The extra member stopped when he saw Luffy.<p>

"Luffy-kun? What are you doing here?"

"Heyyy, Jinbei! How are you?" Luffy greeted him with a giant smile. "So you're the one Hancock thinks is giant, fat, and ugly! Hahaha!"

Jinbei was a little tempted to whip out some fishman karate on Luffy but decided to be a bit more polite. "Much better, now that I'm out of the dungeon. But Luffy-kun, this place is dangerous. You should get away from here as soon as possible."

"Hah? Why? I just got here."

"The queen is extremely violent. She'll have your head chopped off if you so much as look at her the wrong way."

"Yeah, I kind of noticed that."

"Yes, and she can behave like a rather spoiled child at times when things do not go –wait, you met her already?"

"Yeah, she's right there," Luffy pointed directly behind Jinbei.

Queens are typically depicted as a woman with a serene, gentle face. Hancock looked like neither of those two adjectives at the moment, as her face was horribly contorted with rage. "JIIIIINNNNNNNNNBEI," she snarled, "How dare you take up Luffy's time? I have to send him to see the wail!"

Jinbei, despite being a rather fearsome fishman, swallowed visibly. He patted Luffy's shoulder and walked off in the opposite direction of Hancock. "Be careful, Luffy-kun."

The minute he turned away, Hancock blushed as she faced Luffy. Well, her body faced him, but her head was turned away, too shy to look him in the eyes. "Luffy, have you seen the wail yet?"

Luffy paused for a moment. He was sure that she wasn't using the right word but decided that she should know what she was saying. "No. What is it?"

She motioned for him to follow. "You'll have to travel with Pell's help."

As Luffy and Hancock walked away from the game, Luffy could hear Crocodile grumbling about the amount of people awaiting execution. "At this rate, there won't be any billions to serve as workers. You are all pardoned," Crocodile said.

They soon made it to another clearing where Pell was meditating. "Take Luffy to see the wail," she commanded the warrior.

"Very well. Come on, Luffy, hop on, " Pell said and instantly transformed into a large falcon. They soared for a brief moment before landing at a beach where near the shore was a little baby whale happily singing to himself.

"Puo, puo!" he greeted the two newcomers.

"This is Laboon, the wail," Pell introduced the sea creature to Luffy.

At this point, Luffy became very confused. First Hancock, and now Pell? "Wail?"

"Ah, yes, you see," Pell explained, "Laboon has a habit of wailing when he's sad. He has a very sad history, you know. A group of pirates had befriended him but had to leave him behind and oh—Let's let Laboon tell the story for us, hm?"

And so the little whale wailed and wailed and by the time he finished, Pell was in tears. Luffy did not understand a word of it, assuming "puo" and "puuuoooooo" were words.

"What a strong little wail, eh?" Pell sniffed.

Judging by the little guy's lung capacity to wail for so long without taking a breath, Luffy couldn't really disagree. "Yeah," he said.

"He's very smart, too," Pell continued, "Very educated. To pass the time, he took lessons in everything; Reeling and Writhing and all sorts of Arithmetic like Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision."

Luffy couldn't help but wonder just how much use those subjects were in the world, but Pell kept talking and interrupted his thoughts. "It wasn't all left-brained materials, mind you. He even had lessons in Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils. And to top it all off, he knows Laughing and Grief."

"How did he have time for any fun if he had all these lessons?" Luffy was amazed at how much education a whale could handle.

Pell waved his hand in a manner to suggest it wasn't an impossible feat. "He took lessons, so they lessened every day, of course."

The whale, being thoroughly embarrassed at all the praise, nudged Luffy. "Pu puo?" he chirped.

"He wants to know about your day," Pell translated.

"Mine?" Luffy straightened up. "It's been a really weird day!" And Luffy began to tell his tale of everything that had happened, to when he first got off the ship and to the croquet game with Hancock but mainly, how frustrating it was to be separated from his nakama over and over again. The further he had gotten along his story, the farther his audience's jaws dropped. By the time he had finished, both mouths were opened so wide that their mandibles threatened to dislocate from their skulls.

"Luffy, I had no idea," Pell finally managed to say.

"Puo…" Laboon agreed.

"Ah! Here, Laboon will sing a song to cheer you up!" Pell raised his hand like an orchestra conductor and cued Laboon to start singing. And it was good singing. Pell and Luffy sat down and closed their eyes to enjoy it better as it filled their ears.

"The trial is beginning!" a voice cried out from far away.

Pell stood up. "We got to go Luffy! The trial's beginning!" And with that, he grabbed Luffy and began pulling him away from the beach, where Laboon waved goodbye with his big, round snout.

"What trial?" Luffy asked Pell.

"The trial! Come on, hurry up!" Pell insisted.

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><p><strong>There were a lot of singing and dancing in these two chapters and I had really wanted to include Brook in here, but I needed him for later...There was a Gryphon and I decided Pell would fit nicely. That's about all the thought I really put into his role...I really wanted Laboon only because baby Laboon is so cute~<strong>

**Also, in case anyone was wondering:  
>Reeling and Writhing=Reading and Writing<br>Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision=Addition, Subtraction, Multiplication, and Division  
>Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils=Drawing, Sketching, and Painting in Oils (my best guess)<br>Laughing and Grief=Latin and Greek (my favorite one of the bunch lol)  
>Oh, Carroll. So funny.<strong>

**So what happened to the croquet game? Well, after Hancock led Luffy away, everybody abandoned ship and ran off to hide somewhere, especially those who were awaiting execution (which was like 90% of the people present). When Hancock returned, she didn't even realize that everybody ran away because she went to the kitchen to bake tarts so that she could personally deliver (and feed) it to Luffy when he returns. However, trouble soon struck...**

**I got two more chapters to write and one week left before my break is over...I can do this! Thanks for reading, everybody!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm happy with how this one turned out. I feel that in this chapter, the plot was easier to work with so the characters don't seem as off. Sadly, I couldn't give everyone all the spotlight that they deserve...**

**Well, here it is. The second to last chapter. Please enjoy!**

**One Piece belongs to Oda-sensei and Alice in Wonderland to Mr. Carroll. I just mashed the two together to make a remix.**

* * *

><p>When Luffy arrived at the courtroom, everyone else were already in their seats. The King and Queen of Hearts sat facing the defendant and between those two parties was a table. Every square inch possible on that tabletop was filled with tarts in the shape of a heart, except for five of them which were shaped like letters that spelled out the name, "Luffy." To Luffy's right was the jury box and to the left was Zorobunny, who was supposed to be a juror but was having difficulty finding his way to the jury box.<p>

When Luffy took his seat as one of the jurors, he noticed that the jurors consisted of all the officers from Baroque Works, Princess Vivi, King Cobra, Franky, Brook, Usopp, and Chopper. He greeted everyone and turned his attention to the courtroom floor where the defendant was now standing.

The defendant on trial was the Knave who looked a lot like Nami. It actually was Nami. Nobody saw it coming.

"I'm telling you, I didn't lay a finger on the King's crown!" she protested. "I'm innocent, you can search every inch of my body, but you won't find anything!"

"Rabbit, read the charges!" Hancock jabbed her finger at Zoro.

"Are you blind? I'm a person!" he leered back defiantly at the Queen.

"Then why are you dressed as a rabbit?"

"Because I can't reach the stupid zipper on the back with these dumb rabbit paws!"

"Then it must be destiny for you to be a rabbit. A rabbit always reads the charges and you're close enough! Read it or I'll have you executed!"

Grumbling about how if he had his swords, he'd be able to kill anyone who tries it, rabbit suit or not, Zoro unfurled the scroll and tonelessly read out the charges:

"The Knave of Hearts, she stole the tarts."

Nami stopped breathing. "The tarts? That's it? Nothing about a round, expensive, valuable accessory that kings wear?"

Zoro skimmed the line for a good ten seconds. "Nope."

Nami let out a giant sigh of relief. "Pheeeew! But wait, I didn't steal any tarts! And this time, I'm really telling the truth!"

"Consider your verdict," Crocodile addressed the jury box.

"Not yet, your majesty!" Brook stood up. "There are regulations that must be followed in a trial!"

Crocodile, a bit taken aback that any pirate or criminal gathered here would even know anything about court and proper court procedure, stared at the skeleton for a few seconds before relenting. "Very well. How shall we go about this trial?"

The skeleton with the afro stood up and stepped down onto the courtroom floor. The whole room was silent as everyone tried to anticipate what he would do next. He walked across the floor; the only sounds that were heard were the clicking of his boots' heels and the echoes they created. He stopped when he was right in front of the queen's seat and looked up at her. He tipped his hat.

"May I see your panties, please?"

It wasn't until two minutes later, a large scuffle, and a lot of "Off with his head!" threats and "Yohohoho" chortles before order was restored. Brook shakily stood up, sporting bruises, lumps, bandages, and fractures all over his bony stature. "Let's call forth the first witness, shall we?" he jovially said in a tone that sounded like nothing had happened but everyone knew something just did. "The first witness is Mad Hatter Shanks!"

The doors opened and the very man walked in. With him were two mugs of rum, one in each hand, and Mihawk and Benn.

"I beg pardon, your Majesty, for bringing these in; but I hadn't quite finished my rum when I was sent for," Shanks chuckled.

Crocodile made a face. "You ought to have finished. When did you begin?"

"14th of March, I think."

"15th," Mihawk corrected.

"16th," Benn corrected the both of them.

Crocodile decided that these facts were unimportant and decided to move on to the next matter at hand. "Take off your hat."

Shanks shook his head. "Oh, it's not mine. You see, I'm a hatter, I give it to a bright, aspiring kid to treasure and to return it to me when he becomes a great pirate. Ain't that right, Luffy?" He looked up into the jury box and threw his hat off to Luffy who caught it in shock.

"Wait, Shanks, you already gave me your hat, how did—" he stopped talking when he patted his head and realized that there never was a hat there.

Shanks smiled at him and chuckled. "I told you, I'm a hatter."

"That makes no sense," Crocodile tried to get the focus back onto the trial, "Give your evidence."

Shanks looked up imploringly at the king. "I'm a poor man, only Mihawk said—"

"Don't involve me in this," Mihawk curtly stated.

"But you said you got my back!"

"I don't recall ever making such a promise."

Shanks sputtered some nonsense at the shock of Mihawk's betrayal before he tried addressing Crocodile again. "Well at any rate, Benn said…." He turned his head to see if Benn would also abandon him. But Benn just sighed and gave his captain a thumbs-up. Shanks beamed a giant smile at his trustworthy first mate.

"Well, what did Benn say?" Crocodile asked.

Shanks took a swig from one of his mugs. "I don't remember."

Crocodile bit down on his cigar.

Shanks raised his hands, mugs still attached to both of them, in defense. "I'm a poor man!"

"You're a poor speaker."

" Ow! Suuuper comeback~!" Franky shouted from the jury box. He was already doing his special pose before Usopp and Chopper could even pull him back into his seat.

"Okay, the second witness is Sanji-san!" Brook announced.

Sanji entered the court and just stood there, staring at Hancock with hearts in his eyes and drool pooling in his mouth.

Crocodile sighed. "What are tarts made out of?" he questioned the cook.

Sanji put on a more serious face when he heard the question. He lowered his head, visibly shaking. "Me….melo…" he mumbled.

"Melons?" Crocodile guessed.

Sanji's head immediately jerked up. The pressure of the blood flowing out from his nostrils may be to blame for that. "Mellorine~~~!" he shouted as he twirled towards Hancock.

Hancock, who was thoroughly disgusted of this man and his behavior, completely lost it. "Off with his head! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his eyebrow! " she shrieked. It was sudden and so shrill that everybody got up and ran in all directions out of pure adrenaline. When the commotion and Hancock had been quelled, the cook had disappeared and was nowhere to be seen.

Brook straightened his hat. "Well, I suppose we should call forth the third witness now. The third witness is—"

"Luffy!" Hancock happily squealed.

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><p><strong>I'm glad that the Hatter in the Carroll text brought his tea with him. That way, I was able to let Shanks bring his rum. And Zorobunny makes a reappearance lol<strong>

**So where did Sanji disappear off to? He's lying down in the jury box where Chopper is treating him.**

**And Shanks and his little posse? They left when Sanji was called in to testify but when Shanks got back to the table, he realized that he lost his pocket watch. Now he's wanders around shouting, "Where has the time gone?" Mihawk eventually found it but has refused to return it to Shanks until it was fixed by Benn.**

**Oh gosh, the next chapter is the final chapter...Thanks so much for sticking with this story for so long!  
><strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Wow. Last chapter. It was difficult to use Carroll's plot, but this should work. As for the note that was read out loud, I didn't want the one from the Carroll text. I actually wanted to stick in lyrics from something like "Run to You" by DJ Doc (only because I wanted to imagine everybody going "bounce with me bounce with me, bounce with me BOUNCE" lol) or "Mr. Simple" by Super Junior, I don't know lol Anyways, on with the disclaimer and then the final chapter~**

**Lewis Carroll owns Alice in Wonderland. Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece. I have no idea who owned the "I'm Odd" song that the Cheshire Cat was supposed to sing in the old Disney film, but it isn't me. I am only responsible for tossing them together to make this salad (I didn't use this metaphor, yet, did I? Let's hope not...)**

* * *

><p>All heads turned to look at the boy. He blinked.<p>

"Me?" Luffy pointed to himself.

Crocodile sighed. "Just get over here."

Having nothing better to do since sitting in the jury box was getting boring, he jumped down to the courtroom floor and looked up at the king and queen.

"What do you know about this business?" Crocodile questioned him.

Luffy answered with complete honesty. "Nothing."

"We have found evidence written in the knave's handwriting!" A guard suddenly appeared with a note in his hands.

"Let's hope it will tell us who the culprit is so I can get on with my life," Crocodile leaned back in his seat. "Read out the note."

With shaking hands, the guard carefully unfurled the note and read out loud:

"My head begins to jingle,  
>Most ev'ry time I nod<br>'Cause obviously, quite obviously, I'm odd."

"What does that stuff even mean?" Luffy interrupted.

Everyone stopped to think, for nobody was really certain and those who were fairly certain were too afraid to speak up in case they were wrong.

"Read some more," Crocodile told the guard.

"Each Christmas I go fishing  
>To catch a Christmas cod<br>'Cause obviously, quite obviously, I'm odd."

"I'm hungry," Luffy said at the mention of cods.

"What does this even mean?" Crocodile asked out loud.

Hancock's hands flew to her cheeks. "Could it be…? I think…this is…Luffy's love poem…for me!"

"This is not something that strawhat idiot could possibly come up with," Crocodile snorted.

Before anyone could even laugh in agreement, the Queen stood up. Her leg blurred around the same time Crocodile disappeared from his seat. He ended up taking a haki kick straight in the gut and was just getting back onto his feet over by the wall. Slowly, he brushed off the rubble on his suit.

Hancock glared so hard at him that a few people nearby could have sworn they smelled sand burning. "How dare you insult Luffy like that! I ought to have you executed right now!"

Crocodile bit down on his cigar and glared back at the pirate empress just as fiercely. "I am the King of Hearts, pirate empress Boa Hancock. I have as much power over this country and its people as you do, and possibly more, thanks to Baroque Works."

There was a commotion from the jury box when Vivi and Cobra stood up. Everyone was brandishing weapons at one another already. Vivi glared straight at Crocodile. "Crocodile! You're no king! It is my father who is the rightful king! You have stolen the kingdom from us but today, we will take it back!"

"Vivi's our nakama! We're going to help Vivi!" Luffy shouted to his crewmates.

"Aye, captain!"

"If anyone dares to harm Luffy, they'll have to answer to me, his fiancée!"

"I keep telling you, Hancock, I'm not going to marry you."

"Ohhh, you said my name again…"

"Can somebody get me out of this damn rabbit suit already?"

"Ahahaha! It suits you, Marimo!"

"I still got the king's crown! I'm rich, I'm rich! Heeheehee! Sanji-kun, you better protect me; I can't let anything happen to this treasure!"

"Hai, Nami-swan!"

"Oi! Wait! Get me out of this thing first!"

"You're on your own, Marimo!"

"That son of a—"

Shouting, gunshots, and the clashing of metal resounded throughout the entire courtroom. The trial was all forgotten and the tarts that had been lying on the table continued to sit there, getting cold, and waiting to be eaten.

"You seem to know a lot about him," a female voice said.

"Well, of course," a man said. There was a slight tremor in his voice. "A long time ago…here on the Grand Line…I met that man in person."

_Oh, that's right; we were talking about Pops, weren't we?_ His hand drowsily reached for a leg of meat. And then his snot bubble popped.

"Huh? You know the old man?" Portgas D. Ace asked Buggy while chewing.

"He's awake!" the whole crew shouted.

_Hmm they seem a little tense._ Ace stood up. "Hey now, you guys! C'mon! This is a party! Let's kick it!"

"O-Oh yeah!" Buggy said, his voice a little strained by trying to sound upbeat. "We were having a party, right?"

And so, Buggy and his crewmates began to party with Ace. They were rather hesitant with their actions at first, but Ace was such a nice guest and the alcohol soon took effect so they all forgot about just how dangerous he could be.

"Hey, you're not such a bad guy, are you?" Buggy laughed. "Here, drink up!"

Ace graciously accepted the refill and spotted Richie. "Oh! Oh! You got a lion!" With a few strokes of his arms, he formed a large, flaming ring. "Come! Jump through this ring of fire!"

The lion tried to roar out a protest, claiming that he was far too hungry and out of practice, but Mohji patted the great cat's back. "Yosh, show him your stuff, Richie!"

Richie may have been a performing lion, but being feline, he still had some authority to inflict harm on his owner.

"Ow!" Mohji winced.

That brought a chorus of laughter from everyone as all sorts of comedic acts ensued. Ace even became drinking buddies with Buggy, enjoying his time greatly and completely forgetting about that really bizarre dream he just had.

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><p><strong>I hope y'all know where that scene's from. Yup, the original Oda text. And yes, this whole thing was nothing but a dream. Ace's dream. Because I've always wondered what he dreams about when he falls asleep in his food. I could have used a different time when he slept but this one had Buggy...and with Buggy, I feel like it's come full circle from when he was just a door...<strong>

**So yeah. The end. Thank you all for reading this and some of you even favorited it, which is really awesome. To those who have reviewed, thank you kindly.  
>And I'd also like to thank Oxenstierna D. Yuki-rin and Bumblebeecamaro38 because those two reviewed every single one of my chapters and I'm grateful for that. So thanks, you two :) I wish I could offer you guys more than that lol<br>**

**I have not yet read Alice through the Looking Glass yet but maybe I will someday and see if I can incorporate more OP characters to play the roles. Who knows? But as far as I know, I'm done with story writing. I have no more ideas and well, I'm starting Spring semester this Monday...Another round of O-Chem.../shudder.**

**I may not write anything but I'll still try to log on occasionally. You guys write some good stories and I want to keep up with them and actually have time to review a few or something. So you guys write on and I'll give as much support as I can! Thank you!**


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